Too Complicated

At this point, we have chosen to jump ahead. Unfortunately, there are large spaces of time in which the girl does not remember, and it has not been shown to us. The girl is constantly frustrated with the not knowing. We may never know what goes on completely when the girl leaves.

One of the long term effects of the childhood trauma is the unwillingness to let people close. This is both physically and emotionally. The girl is constantly in fight or flight mode. Her heart races, she sweats, and adrenaline pumps at night. At night her mind races with all kinds of different thoughts. Actually, some of her best thoughts have come during this time. It seems to be when everyone comes together to bring new ideas and thoughts to the table. Creativity is also peaked at this time. This is also the time when the girl should be sleeping. The girl is constantly tired.

Living with dissociation is difficult for both the girl and her family that she has made. She is on her second marriage, and hoping her illness wont push him away. Little symptoms of the dissociation seem to compile quickly. The girl feels like she is constantly playing Tetris with her life. One more issue and the game is over. The most common misplacement becomes a crisis. Most people lose their keys sometimes, but typically, when they find them, they were some place logical. This is not necessarily the case with dissociation. The girl has left her phone in the fridge, mail in the laundry and the husbands things in 4's room. When these things happen everyday, multiple times, it is more than frustrating.

Then there are the other intimacy and space issues. The girl's severe mistrust of older men has caused her to miss the only grandparent type relationship she could have ever had. Her mistrust of men was a main cause of the destruction of her first marriage. Her need to keep to herself and keep private has almost been the end of her current marriage. The girl does not typically welcome hugs. She makes it a point to hug 4 often, but she herself is uncomfortable with hugs from others. 4 is absolutely perfect to the girl, and she is innocent. The husband is very good to the girl, but she is always concerned with pushing him too far, or expecting him to understand her.

You can not depend on the girl. She goes into hiding for weeks. She forgets what you asked her to do. She will not remember your birthday,. She doesn't know what day it is.The girl never knows where her things are. She spirals into deep depressions where she doesnt bathe. She is a poor housekeeper most of the time. She doesnt do anything right. She constantly fails.

She is at a crossroads again. One road involves her going into hiding again, and the other road has to have something different. She doesnt know what it would be, as she is barely functioning as it is, but it has to be better.